Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Hi, I'm Rachel. And I'm Insecure.

You may remember when I shared with you that my friend from down south got me Beth Moore's newest book, So Long Insecurity, You've been a bad friend to us.  


I'll be honest--this book is tough!!  Before I started reading, I never thought I battled insecurity all that much. I mean, of course I've had my "days," but I never saw it as something I struggle with.  Little did I know! 


Beth says insecurity makes us "act like idiots," and I sure can attest to my fair share of idiot moments in my lifetime!  Beth also says if we look back at our biggest (and scariest) "idiot moments," we can trace all of them back to insecurity.  Ouch!  She's right, I'm afraid.


When I first started reading, I'll admit my attitude was a little on the opposing side.  I mean, can you blame us for feeling insecure when our culture ingrains it in the woman's head that we have to look, act, talk, walk and be perfect??  So what's so wrong with our being a little insecure from time-to-time if this is what we're expected to be?  Insecurity is destined for us!  


Wrong!  According to Beth, insecurity is just another sneaky tool the enemy uses to get us to feel lousy about ourselves and act out in sin (aka "idiot moments").  


So, what is insecurity anyway?  If you're like me, you may think insecurity is just when we don't feel "pretty enough."  But, as I read some of the descriptions in the book, I realized insecurity takes on a whole different meaning . . . 


"Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt--a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.  Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships.  The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." (p. 17)
I don't know about you, but that definition sounds a little harsh.  Words like profound, deep feeling, chronic, constant fear stick out to me most, and I certainly don't feel that way  . . .or do I? 


Let's take the insecurity "inventory" and find out!  These questions come from Beth's book on pages 20-21, and my (secure) answers are in parenthesis.    

  1. Do I cry easily? (eh. sometimes.)
  2. Do I avoid the spotlight in social situations? (not really . . . I'm doing pretty good so far!)
  3. Do I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong? (guilty, party of 1!)
  4. If someone gets angry with me, do I have a hard time not thinking about it? (let's see, I usually stir those kinds of situations in my head for days on end until I've driven myself crazy . . . so, yes!)
  5. Do I sometimes feel anxious for no apparent reason? (sometimes, yes)
  6. Does it hurt my feelings when I learn that someone doesn't like me? (Why do you ask?  Did someone say they didn't like me?!?!  What do you think I did wrong??)
  7. Do I fear that my husband might leave me for someone else? (thankfully, this isn't an ever-present fear, but I have had my insecure moments in our relationship . . .and yes, I acted like an idiot in return)
If you answered "No" to all of these questions, then you're either a great liar, or you truly are living secure.  If it's the later, then shed some light for the rest of us poor insecure folks, will ya? :)

The truth is, there is freedom from insecurity.  It's a long, hard road to freedom but it's been a glorious one, I'm learning.  

One beautiful passage from the book that deals with how God views insecurity is put simply:
"Jesus is not unhealthy.  Not codependent with us.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  This thought never grows old to me: He has no dark side.  In Him is no darkness at all.  That, beloved, is our challenge.  To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.  When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are.  And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us. (Psalm 90:17 NKJV)." (p. 43)
Did you catch that last part?  "let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have" and "see the treasure that we are" . . .I'll be sharing more about Beth's book later, and how she discovered that we are and have treasures.  Until then, let's try not to have any "idiot moments" and try to revel in the fact that God's strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.  Amen to that!



4 comments:

  1. I definitely answered yes to the same ones you answered yes to. Great post! I may have to look into this book - sounds like a great read.

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  2. Yeah, I want to read it too!

    Love ya Rach!!!

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  3. That's insightful - I've had my share of idiot moments, but thankfully God continues to work on me. That gives me hope

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  4. Great post! God is always at work -- I have a shirt that reads "work-in-progress" and it is so true. I'm glad you're enjoying Beth's book.... I really have grown a lot from her work.

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Rachel